A professional victim.

I heard the term ‘professional victim’ the other day. Victim mentality is feeling sorry for yourself, it’s pretty normal if you feel hard done by. It’s also healthy because it leads you to your sense of worthiness irrespective of the outer world or other people’s actions – if you in fact allow yourself to get there.

If you don’t, you by default are declaring yourself as powerless. ‘This happened to me. This always happens to me. People always do this. They never act or treat me how I want them to.’

Feel the powerlessness in that.

A professional victim is someone who never looks at themselves and always to others to fix their problems for them, over and over. No-one can do that for you same as you cannot for anyone else. By actively using that ‘woh is me’ as a form of controlling other people and your surroundings would be classed as narcissism if it is done to actively manipulate people (if you’re in fact conscious of it and choose to do so anyway – because you always have the choice not to.)

Always.

If people have brought this up with you, then you are conscious of it and are choosing to ignore it because that doesn’t fit in with the reality you keep on creating.

It doesn’t matter what other people think it matters what you suffer with. The only reason a person would run away from something is because it’s scary and they don’t have the answer.

Well the answer is in here. But I can’t force you to read on. And the unknown ‘is’ scary. It’s why it’s the unknown.

‘Known’ is comforting. ‘Known’ is predictable. ‘Known’ can also become stagnation, addiction and feeling stuck in an endless cycle you have no idea how to get out of and no idea how you got in it.

Read on and you’ll find the answer to both.

So feeling victimised is entirely innocent. Using that victimisation to victimise others however would be classed as narcissism, agree?

Narcissistic personality disorder would be when someone repeatedly does this. They are known for doing this. They never don’t do this: Personality disorder, as in ‘an undesirable state of someone’s character judged by you or society.’

Others may judge them in the same way and agree with you.

Every court in the land would agree with you.

But let’s stop talking about ‘they, and them’, what about you?

Because here’s the thing; you cannot control anyone, in your past, present, or future, ever. Never can and never will. So if that’s the case, which it is… then no-one in existence has the power to control you. Never has, and never will.

Yep. You read that right.

Feel the difference? Feel the power in that?

No-one has any power over you, less than what you give them, in your own mind. So they just deliver.

Feel hard done by, disrespected, taken advantage of, scared, manipulated, people will literally turn up out of the woodwork a perfect vibrational match for taking advantage of you. They were quite literally looking for you (or anyone) to do that.

Once a person discovers that no-one has any power over them, except the power they themselves give to others, they stop needing to act as if everyone does. There is no threat. Therefore, no threatening.

Any form of controlling others either actively or passively is always ever going to be a defence mechanism – to protect a vulnerable part of you. Once you realise there’s no need to defend that, you stop behaving like you have to. It is completely liberating.

So the logical thing to do then would be to discover what that vulnerable part of you is so it is no longer vulnerable.

If you feel victimised by something or someone in your present, it is undoubtedly about that very same feeling about something entirely separate, in your past. That is ‘trauma’.

You can use trauma to steer clear of undesirable characters, but only if you are already mindful of your own trauma and thus detached from it. If you’re not detached, if you’re not even aware, you will literally act out that trauma and project that trauma into others, whenever you feel the same ‘threat’. But here’s the thing; ‘they’ don’t have to be doing anything. They could look at you wrong and you could take that as a threat because you have this thing going round your head. Your head. It is all in your mind. No-one else is ever doing anything other than living their own experience. Some people are conscious, some are far from it. But your only job is to be conscious of yourself, your own life, your own well being and your own happiness.

If your first thought here is that of all your responsibilities for others, try doing it all unhappy.

Now imagine doing it happy.

So if it’s calling up the same emotions, then this experience, now, is in fact ‘you asking you’, to ponder what that might be. It is a calling by yourself for yourself to heal that and free yourself of it.

It is always this.

Nothing else.

If you’re blaming others, you’re missing the opportunity and the massive sign post you are dangling in front of your own face.

And you don’t have to do anything. We choose to heal when we’re ready. But it ‘will’ come up every single time in the future. And it’ll get worse, or feel worse because you’ll be thinking ‘why is this still happening? I’m older, I know more, surely this should have gone away by now?’

It’s not going to, unless you choose to understand it and allow it to be given love, to yourself, by yourself.

No-one is ever going to fucking do it for you.

And it is impossible to do if you’re only ever reacting to the current moment and don’t allow yourself the space and separation from it to do this, to detach from it, even just for a little while, and actually get into the present moment, unperturbed by an unhealed past,

and so free to contemplate it within yourself from a different perspective. You cannot find that different perspective if you are only ever in the same one.

That shift in perspective you’re actually seeking cannot happen without soothing your thoughts about it back to a state of neutrality. Of none reaction, of none thought. Only from that place can new and inspired thought, about that very thing be born.

How does one do this?

By not thinking about that thing! Go on, try that.

It’s impossible to not think about something because trying to not think about it is thinking about. You have to hack the system.

Simple really. Distract yourself, consciously, and in doing so are actively choosing to not continue to hurt yourself.

Meditation is the quickest ticket but if you’re not practiced in it, (I recommend you become so) but any form of distracting and relaxing thing – deliberately chosen, will work exactly the same. A walk, some music, listening to a monotonous tone of nothing, gazing at a candle, ever tried it?

Your ego will fight you every step of the way to not calm down. This is why we use anchors like a simple continuous sound, or returning to the breath. It’s normal for the mind to get distracted, but we want to distract that very thing!

It is completely possible, and once you experience through any form of mindful exercise, that feeling that you wanted to feel, by ironically letting go of it, I guarantee you will meditate for the rest your life. Because it will be a return to your natural state of complete happiness and total contentment, with what is.

And here’s another thing: forget ‘conscious or sub-conscious, if you have feelings about something then it’s conscious isn’t it?

Some part of you is entirely aware of it.

You just don’t know what to do about it.

You in fact know when you’re triggered, defending, attacking, manipulating. Little old you is conscious of the entire transaction, and always has been.

The not knowing is what trips is up. Because the ‘question’ is an entirely different feeling than the ‘answer’. The ‘problem’ is a completely different vibration or energy or emotional experiential feeling than the experiential feeling of the ‘solution’.

You just felt the difference reading that. Solution. Problem. Solution. Problem.

Which feels better?

You cannot solve the problem by focussing on the problem. You cannot solve a problem by searching for a solution, because that from the get go is declaring that you don’t have one. That you lack one. That you’re lost.

You can only find the solution by allowing yourself to feel what the solution (the freedom of that thing) would feel like.

In conjuring the feeling, you conjure the solution, because you’re now declaring that you have one. You might not know what it is yet but that doesn’t matter. By consciously choosing the emotion of the feeling of solution, you are creating solutions right there and then. It will only be a matter of time before the actual solution then shows up.

It will come either by inspired thought, entirely new, or it will solve itself by way of others actions (from their inspired thought) without you having to do anything.

Don’t believe me? Try it.

Don’t want to try it? Stop whinging then.

Don’t want to? Then you’re your own problem aren’t you?

The solution is in the state of feeling what the state of the solution feels like.

So try it and see what happens.

And when it does, you can bet your bottom dollar that you just attracted that circumstance and in fact created that reality, by believing it to be so, because you changed your energy and so what others might be receiving from you (and thus from themselves) and this what they are giving to you.

Some people use victiming as their entire way of being because one, they probably saw that this behaviour was rewarded in childhood by people who wanted a quiet life and two, because it makes them feel like they matter. It’s extremely sad because they’ll never realise how much they do matter to people already. They’ll also never believe it if they don’t develop and nurture that sense of worth healthily in themselves first.

And when it works, this manipulating people to get them to do what they want. it also adds fuel to feeling powerful in a very negative and misguided sense. As in, having power over others. ‘Wow, I did that. I fully got someone to do what I wanted. I can do this all the time. People are weak’.

That’s a bit narcissistic isn’t it?

And wait til they meet someone who isn’t weak, who knows their game, they can’t handle it.

And if you’re declaring someone else as weak, then it is because you have recognised that very same weakness within yourself, which you’re now guarding to high heaven, by needing to control others, so that they don’t see it. So that you don’t expose it, to then be attacked.

So who’s the weak one?

This is not an attack, this is to tell you that bringing focus to what one perceives as their own weakness, is in fact a strength. A strength not many people possess. Admitted it is true power – because it relinquishes any and all power you allowed people to have over you. You quite literally start healing and free yourself of that thing by saying out loud ‘I am vulnerable about this thing.’

You’d think more people would do this.

But ego and pride often dictates. And the size of someone’s ego by the way is a direct correlation to the size of their wound.

It’s really fucking obvious.

No-one has power over anyone. Only weak people exploit weakness in others – because it is their own biggest fear. That, is the narcissist mentality. The way of being in the opposite would be that of empathy. Knowing this about others allows you to see them as victims of their own victimisation and have empathy and none judgment of that or them. It is to love anyway. Love doesn’t need other people to do shit for them.

You also no longer need to be pulled into people’s games, because you know your own tendency to have done that to yourself in the past. Lesson learnt. No reason to repeat it – or to try and save someone from themselves.

One – no-one needs saving and two – you can’t do it.

And three – if people are demanding this of you then that is the professional victim and narcissism I’m referring to. Don’t become the same thing.

Only hurt people hurt other people.

A narcissist uses that pain they have felt in their life and they inflict it on others – so that others might know what it feels like. So others feel as shit as they do. This makes them feel powerful. But it never ever heals their pain, it only ever cements their self loathing and keeps them trapped in an endless loop of trauma and re-traumatisation – of themselves, and others. They don’t give a fuck about others, because they in fact don’t give a fuck about themselves… because they felt exactly like that from the treatment of them by someone else. And it’s not always necessarily true.

An empath mentality, actually… it’s not a mentality, it’s a way of being however, having being treated badly in life, cannot ever treat another in the same way – it goes against their entire code of conduct – because they know exactly what it feels like. They rise up above how they’ve been treated because they recognise that that is their calling – even if no-one ever knows about it, sees it, or congratulates them for it.

A narcissist is simply someone who ceases to have empathy for themselves. Don’t have that, they can’t possibly have it for others. They treat themselves how others have treated them in the past, and so they treat others how they felt they were treated.

This is the endless cycle of generational trauma. It’s boring, it’s predictable, it’s offensive and it’s deeply damaging, to the narcissist person themselves, everyone they infect with it, and the world at large, and all future generations. You don’t heal your shit that your parents didn’t heal, you’ll give it to your kids, and they to theirs.

Narcissists contrary to popular belief do possess empathy by the way. On the extreme end of the scale of these personality disorders are psychopaths, who also possess empathy. They just don’t show it. It is the one thing they protect and guard above all else. And they’re masters at it. They themselves don’t even know that they do this, but it dictates all of their actions, behaviour, desires, demeanour, responses, neurology and reality. Displaying that empathy is exposing a weakness to them, a weakness which can (and was) exploited by others. This is why they are ‘damaged’. Not because they were traumatised but because they don’t know how to heal themselves. They choose not to heal themselves. And that’s why we have prisons to separate people from society who have darkness in them, and don’t look to heal that darkness, and so never actually find how much light they have inside them. Ultimately, they’re victims of their own darkness. It’s the saddest thing on earth in my opinion.

Same for professional victims and same for narcissists.

They never find their own light because they’re too busy expecting others to, and using their light to compensate for the lack of their own they feel they don’t as will never have.

There’s that ‘lack ‘ again. That ‘problem’ rather than ‘solution’. That belief and that choice.

No-one has power over anyone else, – except that which people give others over them. Narcissists give no power, they take it, even if there is not even a threat. Living permanently in a world which is out to get you, makes everyone the enemy. This is an extremely horrible existence, devoid of any love. Separate from love. Disconnected from love.

Love exists whether they chose to connect with it or not.

Maybe some people allow others to believe they have power over them, because it’s much easier than talking to someone behind a turret wall.

It’s much easier to speak to someone at the front gate. On equal terms.

You cannot speak to someone on equal terms if they think you’re more powerful than them. Because they’ll try to act more powerful.

Here’s another thing; if you put someone on a pedestal (whether consciously or not … except we’ve been through this, if you have feelings about then it is not unconscious) but if you put someone above you, even (and especially) in your own mind, then you instantly put yourself beneath them. And ‘they’ haven’t even done anything, they’re just existing, being themselves.

When you put yourself below someone, you will then act in ways to overcompensate for that sense of lack. Thus behaving in a way which actually now does put you beneath them by way of morality. In short, you act like a dick and treat them unfairly due to your own insecurities about yourself. And that person never even did anything. They just possess (seemingly to you) what you seek to attain, and therefore blame and hate them for.

You never are beneath them, but your belief about yourself becomes your reality.

Here’s a statement to live by: I am no better or worse than anyone else. No one else is better or worse than me.

Even ground.

And if someone seems to possess a quality which you admire and feel you don’t have, here’s a big gorgeous fucking reminder for you: you wouldn’t spot it if it did not first exist within you.

Dumbass.

So don’t berate them for it, align with your own version of it. That is what would bring you negative emotions – you not doing that with yourself.

Not ever anyone else’s fault, so don’t blame someone for what you’re not doing just because you feel they are.

Own it, and be it. It’s yours.

Why would someone want to talk on your castle bridge when that castle of yours is dark and brooding, un-inviting, rude, selfish and guarded? It’s not very fun is it?

I’d rather go to the one that’s open, fun, joyful, warm, inviting, friendly, relaxed and welcoming, wouldn’t you? That castle over there with the roaring fires, animals and laughter – much more inviting.

Feel the difference?

This in fact is your want too. But you’ll never get there, you’ll always be jealous of others who do, when you create your castle dark and shit as such as it is. You’ll also never get there if you believe someone else has the power to create it for you and that you do not.

The only person, who ever has any truly powerful power over you, is you.

The only person who has the power to direct that power to either good or bad, is you.

What is good or bad? What are the meaning of the words, have you ever questioned this? What is good or bad when someone else’s good might be someone else’s bad m, and vice versa? Only you can decide. But an easier way of looking at ‘good and bad’ would be this; wanted and unwanted.

‘I want that’, ‘I do not want that’.

We don’t get what we want, we get what we are.

Yeh, you read that right too.

Law of attraction or if it’s easier to call; law of assumption gives you what you may predominantly think about, or ‘presume’.

If you mostly think about what you ‘don’t want’ guess what you get? …what you don’t want.

If you mostly think about what you ‘do want’ and practice it. In a relaxed, detached way – without needing to control or manipulate others to get it, but allow yourself to feel worthy of it in the first place, then guess what you get?

What you want.

You will never, ever, ever, ever get what you want by wrestling it to the ground, because even if you do, you won’t want it, it won’t mean anything, you didn’t earn it, you ‘took’ it, you ‘demanded’ it, to fulfill a lack inside of yourself, which ‘it’ cannot ever fill.

Fill it first, yourself, and things come, in abundance.

So if you want something other than what you have, ‘be’ it. Become it.

We humans have a ridiculous saying of: ‘I’ll believe it when I see it.’ This is entirely the wrong way around. You have created your entire present reality (what you see) by believing it first, whether wanted or unwanted, good or bad. Where you live, the work you do, the money you earn, the partners, friends you have or have had, all started in thought, in belief, in the past. So what will come in future will be as certain as the thoughts and beliefs you have about it now.

The universe doesn’t give a shit, it just gives you what it thinks you are asking for. What you mostly think about. Only you are in charge of whether that’s desired or undesired.

Hint – you can tell by the way you feel.

Feel negative, shitty, horrible, scared? judgemental – this is a good indication that you are entirely fucking out of whack with yourself and what you truly desire.

Feel good, joyful, relaxed, peaceful, content, excited, calm – this is you being your true you. The return of you. The return to you and your desires.

Feeling bad is not bad though, it’s good. Knowing what you don’t want, leads you to knowing what you do want. How else would you know?

Feeling out of whack is the best thing ever if it leads you to a new understanding of what you are actually wanting to feel. You wouldn’t be able to ‘return’ to you if you weren’t first separated from you.

When we think about things we would like to experience, in a soft relaxed manner, this in fact does control your outer environment – and the people within it, but not in a demanding, manipulative or malicious way. No-one has power over others remember, and no-one has power over you.

But, people just turn up differently because you’ve changed what you’re transmitting, so they’re happy to bring to you what you already are because they are a vibrational match to that thing also.

You get what you want, when you no longer need it.

…Because the only thing stopping it in the first place was your own resistance to receiving it.

So relaxation, Medutation, soothing, consciously distracting all releases resistance.

And conscious manifestation is the art of allowing.

Everyone is you pushed out.

So if you have a problem with people, then it’s a problem you have with you.

That is the beauty of others – to show you who you are and how well you’re doing at being yourself. Your own emotions are also a extremely well tuned guidance system.

If people are being shitty it’s your shitty thoughts.

If people are treating you shitty and. ‘how everyone has always treated you’ it’s your shitty belief. That is what ‘trauma’ is; A belief that you have about yourself and your life, that you keep perpetuating. And because you keep thinking that, you keep receiving that, nothing changes. So you’re in fact re-traumatising yourself. Other people are just a mirror. ‘They’ didn’t do it. You are doing it. They’re just turning up how you expect them to.

And if something shitty happened to you as a child, that is not your fault. You were entirely innocent. It was not your responsibility it was the responsibility of your caregivers. But what’re you gonna do? Hate them for all eternity and keep attracting the exact same treatment by others because of what you’re are declaring you’re deserving of?

Or forgive them, and you, and become fully conscious of exactly how this works, and remain fiercely in the opposite way:

Treat other people how you should have been treated.

Treat yourself how you should’ve been treated.

So many people fuck this up.

We have a life right? We have control over our reality, but it also seems like we have a path, a fate, a common theme throughout life?

Whatever things have happened to you, YOU chose these things for YOURSELF, before you were born because YOU knew exactly what would make YOUR SOUL grow.

Don’t believe in reincarnation? I don’t give a fuck, the logic still stands.

Try and exist otherwise.

Painful right?

Now what if this thing was the exact thing to completely take you to an entirely unfamiliar place in order to find your way home?

And what if that journey could also inspire others to find their own path?

What if YOU have crucial and valuable information from your experiences for people you meet in your life?

What if that was the reason you went through this? To give someone else everything you felt you didn’t have?

Which feels better?

If you didn’t want to go through it, then why are you going on about it all the time?

The freedom of it is right at your fingertips. Stop telling the same story and tell it how you would wish it to be.

Then you become it.

Then it will be.

And YOU are the power behind all of it.

Ever had the same situation with different people? A continuing theme? Same person, different skin?

Who is the only common denominator in all of these situations?

You.

Your beliefs.

About yourself.

And others.

If you want different, think different.

Feel different.

And keep repeating it.

That is how the ‘trauma’ was created in the first place, no?

You have to be mindful, you have to be watchful – of your own thoughts. How do you learn new things?

Practice m, Study and Repetition.

You’re gonna fuck up, it’s normal. If you catch the fucking up then it’s not fucking up is it. It’s also something you’ve never managed to do before ever in the history of you. Therefore is that very positive transformation you seek to become – in its very state of ‘becoming’. So recognise this and pat yourself on the back if you fuck up. You can’t fuck it up. Stagnation is the only fuck up.

You’re becoming something you’ve never been before.

If you stagnate, you’re becoming exactly what you’ve always been – ‘by the will of the power of the people’ you decided to give to them or some bullshit. Awesome.

Trauma is not a thing. It’s an ‘unwanted’ practice about an ‘unwanted’ thing that you keep saying you don’t want.

So prove it.

To yourself.

If you truly want something, from others, or yourself then ‘be it’. It is the only way anything will ever change.

Become the change you want to see and you will see change.

Stay the same and it won’t.

Either way, it is not in anyone else’s power to do so, other than yours.

You are the power you feel others have over you, and were all along.

You are the power of you.

Love thy trauma.

It is entirely what has made you become you. Whether that is wanted or unwanted, you are the decider.

And you choose, in every moment, from now and forever.

…and if you’ve just read all of this, you have to ask; would a victim do that?

Maybe you attracted this post to you by way of some passing loving thought of freedom you had before seeing it.

Or maybe you were just instinctively drawn by the words.

…so was it really that unconscious?

Now would you like to feel?

💖